Four months later…

Hey, how are you? Really, how are you? I am better. Better than a month ago, better than a few months ago. I attempted writing a post in April a few times but deep in lockdown, I didn’t have the brain space to pull together more than a couple of paragraphs. A few afternoons I ended up back in bed under my favorite blanket, curtains shut against the world. I thought I was a veteran of stress and uncertainty. I mastered the messy middle, right? I endured the sick child, marriage blow up, high conflict divorce, and career restart. I persevered and was on my way to prospering, successive years of trauma behind me. Nope. Enter COVID-19, a global trauma.

The pandemic hit the Midwest ten weeks into my new job. My company said work from home. Admittedly, it was a struggle. I was just finding my feet and then I had to find my feet again while wondering if I would keep my new job. I got very, very lucky. I kept my job and make a practice of saying yes to whatever comes my way at work. I now demonstrate skills that may not have been called upon otherwise.

Welcome! What can I get started for you?

I’d like a pandemic with a side of familial crisis.

Two weeks into the pandemic, I became a single parent when my sons moved in with me full time. For 3+ months, I supported four young adults through family upheaval in addition to an abrupt shift in schooling, no sports, and weeks at home isolated. Four of us in a 1300 sq ft house, we made it work and I will be forever grateful for this time with them. My daughter, Sarah, wisely chose to stay in her apartment at college though I think, in the end, that had its own emotional costs. None of us will emerge unscathed.

And recently, I think I proposed to my boyfriend, Joel. It was late in the evening, I was tired and his ongoing refusal to Queer Eye his worn out, single dad bedroom was annoying. Eyes closed, I listened to his rationalizations and last-single-in-2019 viewpoint while at the same time inviting me to spend overnights. It didn’t jive. Putting off sleep not a minute longer, I cut to the chase with a new perspective: “Joel, you are going to be with me and we are going to bounce back and forth between houses. Does that clarify the decision making process?” He said yes. I said good night and hung up. End of discussion, right? He spent the next day pondering this unusual (for me) pronouncement on our future whereas I’m thinking maybe now he will go buy side tables, lamps, drapes and repaint. Shit, what have I done?

Welcome back to the blog. I hope you’ll tag along in our new mask-wearing, social-distancing, wishing-I-could-hug-my-friends, tearing-down-outdated-social-constructs world.

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