Lift

You know that moment when you click back into yourself? Maybe you’ve felt out of sorts or disconnected or generally discombobulated (a fav word) and suddenly, you just fit again within yourself. It happened this morning while out for a walk. I made the turn for home and felt it. I felt myself realign followed by an energy, a joy of being alive. All things became possible at the beginning of mile two.

I took a few weeks off the blog. I started a new relationship in early November and a new job in early January. Both are positive steps for me but they’ve changed my schedule and affected my energy. I’m adjusting to having less time to myself and to being new at something (really, two things). I need my quiet time to both process and rest. Practicing who I am and discerning appropriate boundaries in multiple new relationships including an intimate one is tiring albeit rewarding.

I keep expecting to feel exhausted, used up, somehow worse while in a relationship and while working full time. That was true in my marriage. I could do one but not both and chose the relationship. I fit what was professionally rewarding to me in a very small, very limiting box within our family dynamic. Post-divorce, I’ve found my next work home at a company that values my wide range of skills as well as my future potential. Though tiring, it feels good to be working there and working full time.

In addition, I am with someone who cheers me on in my career restart and when I say thank you, he says things like “partners should lift each other up.” (Who says things like that?) With him, with myself, and in our new relationship, I am learning to let things be different. It is a continuous process of letting go of how something used to look and just letting things evolve naturally in a way that works for both of us.

I’ll continue to publish the blog though it may be biweekly or monthly. New post night will be Sunday evenings. Thanks for reading.

Blog Bonus – A Poem

In a Crowded Bar

I stand next to you
in a crowded bar
my finger hooked
over your waistband
under your shirt,
knuckle against skin.

I lean in close
to hear what you’re saying
over the music,
background conversations
and clinking glasses.

You kiss my neck,
inhale my perfume,
and pause, waiting.
I start my sentence
all over again,
a small smile
lighting my face.

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One thought on “Lift

  1. Dear Molly,
    Two things of note happened to me today. Early this morning I read a poem by Kaji Douša, “Turn, Turn, Turn,” with these words: “Look where you are but then turn because there is more.”
    And then a couple hours later, I read your poem in your blog. I think, Molly, your life is a poem. For me, the best part of a poem is where it takes a turn, where, in your words, it will “pause, waiting.” And then you say, “I start my sentence/all over again,”—what a beautiful turn!—for a poem, for a life. And then that “small smile/lighting my face” illustrates so wonderfully Kaji Douša’s “because there is more.”
    Thanks to you, Molly (and to Kaji) for sharing part of your journey. Hugs and best wishes, Kay

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