Last night, it was White Claw Wednesday and Barbecue Chicken Nacho Night. Not every Wednesday is WCW but three out of four are BCN Night. Wednesdays are also known as Do What Ever the Hell I Want Night. With the boys back at their dad’s, I celebrate my first night alone of the week with a little playtime to relax into being on my own again.
Except for last night. I had an onsite, second interview this afternoon. I was asked to prepare and deliver a presentation as part of the interview. After a little relaxing, I finished up my presentation. I also paid my health insurance bill and signed off on the divided retirement assets roll-over. The glamorous life of a divorcée…
I’m in full on interview mode right now. Over six hours between last week and this week. I am very happy to be interviewing but I am talked out. I am tired of reviewing my work (and life) history. I am tired of earnest conversations with bits of humor sprinkled in. I am tired of putting my best foot forward verbally as well as taking the metaphorical higher road. Below are actual things I said in explaining my employment gaps. Years of my life reduced to single sentences.
I supported my former husband’s career and stayed home with our kids.
I was a full-time caregiver for my daughter while she was very sick.
Somewhere along the way I allowed myself to become a cliché. Elements of my life border on maudlin. Normally, when I sense the pendulum swinging too far to the earnest and heartfelt right, I yank it back left with some dark humor and caustic sarcasm. Unfortunately, that is not interview appropriate. Today, I was my best professional self. Tonight, I will answer real interview questions with witty repartee.
Tell me about yourself. I was a long time stay-at-home parent. I’m not wearing a wedding ring. I am interviewing for a full-time, hourly job. The Lifetime Movie Channel just called and they want their leading character back.
Why did you choose engineering (in college)? Because I’d rather stick bamboo slivers under my nails than write a paper.
What would you tell your 25 year old self? Lighten up, Francis.
How do you handle someone who is difficult to work with? I paste a smile on my face and keep my hands away from the letter opener.
What would you put on a billboard for everyone driving by to see? Vote, sheeple!
Would you like to talk with us more or do you have any other questions for us before we proceed to the next step? No, unless you were to tell me that you deal with snakes often, I would like to proceed to the next step.
I actually said that last part. They laughed. I saw them again this afternoon. The presentation and interview went well.